Lily Allen’s ‘West End Girl’: A Solicitor and Psychotherapist Examine Relationship Breakdown, Divorce and Mental Health

Lily sings on the album about issues around manipulation and gaslighting. In the song “Sleepwalking”, she sings “you let me think it was me in my head; and nothing to do with them girls in your bed”.

Later, in the song “Tennis”, Lily believes that her partner is cheating and she sets out to confront him.

She sings: “I got a lot of information, now I can’t even process; So I wrote a little email and I told you what I saw; Then you came up to the bedroom and you made it all my fault” – something which all legal practitioners will be well aware of.

Perhaps the most difficult song to listen to on the album is “Relapse”, in which Lily discusses how her marital difficulties have impacted on her recovery from alcohol and drugs.

Lyrics like:

“You pushed me this far, and I just need to be numb; If I relapse, I know I stand to lose it all” is reflective of the very sad reality that the stress of a relationship breakdown can have a severely detrimental effect on someone’s mental health and increase vulnerability as a direct consequence.

As family practitioners, we often seek to step back from the emotion of the breakdown of the relationship, and whilst I do not suggest that a breakup album necessarily accords with our Code of Practice (at least, without some creative liberty), I do think that the album is a timely reminder of the impact of divorce on a client’s mental health and the importance of our Good Practice Guides.

As Resolution practitioners, we wouldn’t (or rather, shouldn’t) judge Lily’s woes, but rather would treat her with respect and human dignity.

We would help her understand and manage the potential long-term financial and emotional consequences of her decisions, and support her in putting the children's best interests first.

In doing so, we would also adhere to the various Good Practice Guides, which would help us assess and work with any vulnerabilities that she may have sensitively and with a view to empowering her.

We would consider NCDR, given her celebrity status and the difficult court backlogs we are experiencing, to make the process as smooth as possible.

Art like West End Girl is enriching, often acting as a mirror and allowing us to feel seen.

By using Resolution’s resources appropriately and constructively, we can ensure the reflection is as kind as we hope it to be.

Non-monogamous relationships, what is real and what is fantasy?

Again, in “Sleepwalking” we hear her willingness to partake to quench her husband’s thirst for multiple sexual partners.

"You know you have made me your Madonna
I want to be your wh**e,
I could preserve all your fantasies
if only you could act them all out with me."

In “Nonmonogamummy” she goes on to plea, “I am so committed that I’d lose myself.” And lose herself she did.

Non-monogamous relationships are among the top five fantasies people in long-term relationships imagine. Strictly speaking they are not as straightforward as pure fantasy.

They must be bounded, they have to be agreed, and equal consideration given to both parties.

The boundary for Lily was depicted in “Tennis”, the track where she expresses her realisation that the rules had been broken.

"You moved the goal posts,
You broke all the rules; I tried
To accommodate but you took me for a fool,
So, I read your texts."

The boundaries they stipulated were that there had to be payment, and the other person had to be a stranger.

This finely crafted album sees a wife and mother at her most fragile state.

She may find this cathartic; she may find a tribe that has been through a similar turmoil.

What is often seen in relationship therapy is a person who has shared widely and then had to hear a crescendo of opinions.

Whilst well-intended, they are often unhelpful. Lily did seek professional help, and her daughters have kept in touch with her ex. We can imagine that some level of healing is taking place.

If you see your own reflection in these lyrics, if you have been through a break-up (who hasn’t) then you will relate to West End Girl.

Thank goodness Resolution members agree it takes a team to support clients through a divorce. To seek therapeutic support for both parties and, importantly, the children.

Further, there is the recognition that legal practitioners cannot expect to work with clients who are reconfiguring their lives while picking up the pieces of their shattered dreams.

I urge legal practitioners to engage a Wellness Practitioner who is formally trained to support you therapeutically, coach you through any deficit discourse, imposter syndrome, etc.

Furthermore, you will be encouraged to focus on your strengths and values to assure you of all the worthwhile work you do in changing the lives of your clients.

I hope you enjoy the album!

This article was originally published by Resolution in The Review.